Comments on A Brain Scientist's Take on Writing: Agent Feedback On My First Page -- More On Interna...

My first formal critique gave me a lot of the same...

2010-05-18T22:18:34.731-04:00

My first formal critique gave me a lot of the same feedback: the MS opens with us hanging around in the protagonist's head as she does stuff.

I've addressed this by moving the opening as far forward in time as possible--the novel now opens with something important enough that it steals some of the focus from the main character. I also went over the sentences and trimmed savagely, so the passages in the protagonist's head were shorter and less stuffy.

Awesome that your excerpt went over so well!

Good luck on the whole thing. Great start! My sto...

2010-04-18T23:16:36.479-04:00

Good luck on the whole thing. Great start! My story's still swimming around in my head, and I haven't quite got up the nerve to get it down on paper yet.

I completely agree about 1st person being somewhat claustrophobic. I'm an avid reader, as well, and in some cases I've found it to be limiting to a character's tale if only from the perspective of just the one character. No matter the genre, the reality is that people exist in more than just their own minds, and interactions with the world make us a part of something bigger than ourselves...gives us a purpose, so to speak. Good luck to everyone!

It is an interesting start - she is a strong femal...

2010-04-02T17:16:08.458-04:00

It is an interesting start - she is a strong female lead and I'd be happy to find out more.

This was just enough within the character's head t...

2010-04-02T11:46:24.457-04:00

This was just enough within the character's head to draw me in without taking the focus off the action. I'm a character driven reader - as well as writer - and I always need something from a character themselves to make me care about them in any situation.

I read this from a readers Perspective; I liked it very well. Its both personal and active.

Wishing you much luck.

......dhole

I always wrote in 3rd person (my short fiction) bu...

2009-11-22T13:00:33.990-05:00

I always wrote in 3rd person (my short fiction) but I tend to like my novels in 1st person - I've written 3 novels and all three are in first person - I just like that POV in a novel that I write - I like the intimacy, the immediacy - maybe one day I'll write one in 3rd. But, I rarely write a short story in first person.

Anyway -I agree with the agent about being careful when a writer has too much internal monologue or thought or "action" and to make the scene more action oriented, however, I would want to know more! And, that's what re-writes and edits are all about, fleshing out the scenes/characters.

Fantastic work! Now you just need one of these age...

2009-11-21T14:00:15.044-05:00

Fantastic work! Now you just need one of these agents to sign you!

3rd person limited and 3rd person omniscient are hard for me. I've worked with the former in short stories - nothing over 6000 words. The latter I always ends up morphing into 1st person. I think it's because I have trouble choosing which details to include; 1st person gives me a certain boundary, and I like that. It also forces me to get know my characters in a way 3rd person doesn't.

Staying in a character's head - for me, the trick is to write like I speak. If I can't envision saying the words in a serious voice, or if they sound pretentious, then I know I've got a problem.

Hehe, yes, definitely going for the no cringe fa...

2009-11-21T10:11:20.469-05:00

Hehe, yes, definitely going for the *no cringe* factor here. Thanks everyone! Amitha -- yeah, everybody's comments were really helpful. I think the 3rd paragraph reads more smoothly now.

Well, congrats on the excellent feedback, first of...

2009-11-20T23:52:07.443-05:00

Well, congrats on the excellent feedback, first of all. It's great that the entire panel got through your excerpt without cringing (which would lead to raised hands, humiliation, angst, and all that stuff).

Since I tend to write at a certain remove from my characters--like you, forgetting to say what they're thinking more often than not--I'm not sure what'll happen when I attempt a novel. It'll be interesting to find out, though...

There are different types of 3rd person perspectiv...

2009-11-20T18:51:08.821-05:00

There are different types of 3rd person perspectives, I think. They range from close POV with one main character and no explanation about the thoughts of others, to not-so-close with the ability to see several people's thoughts to very distant with no thoughts seen and only actions/words. It takes work but I think any of these could work.

BTW your revisions are awesome. :)

That was a great snippet of your story. I was very...

2009-11-20T11:53:54.529-05:00

That was a great snippet of your story. I was very into it. Though I'm not an agent or publisher, I would keep reading as well. I want to know what happens. I want to know why she is a thief. I want to know a lot.

Comments on *A Brain Scientist's Take on Writing*: Agent Feedback On My First Page -- More On Interna...