Update: Use the hastag #altversionfest to discuss the blogfest on twitter.
I recently submitted a scene to my critique group with some sexual tension between two characters. They all thought it was too abrupt and suggested I sprinkle in some tension in previous scenes to make the development more gradual.
Well, you know how these things go. I went back home and started fooling around with an earlier scene. One thing led to another ... and before I knew it, a very different version of that scene was born.
For comparison, here's the original scene, from my YA fantasy Midnight Thief. It's an excerpt from the scene I posted for the Fight Scene Blogfest.
“Most times you won't have the luxury of resting after a fight.” At first she thought it was Riley speaking, but then she realized the voice came from off the mat. She sat up to see James watching from the side. This was the first time she had seen him here during her practice. Hastily, she climbed to her feet as Riley also stood.
James stripped off his outer tunic, tossed it on a nearby box. and walked onto the mat. He reached a pale but well muscled arm towards Riley, who tossed him the dagger he had been using. James caught the dagger and in the same motion beckoned Kyra toward him. She stood, frozen in place. He motioned again, more curtly. This time she obeyed, muscles tense as she approached him.“Let's see what you've learned.”
And here's Midnight Thief: Scandalous Romance Version
“Most times you won't have the luxury of resting after a fight.” Kyra looked up to see James on the side, his cold blue eyes boring into her with an intensity that she felt down to her very bones.She watched in fascination as James stripped off his tunic, revealing a well muscled chest made all the more interesting by two scars that ran across his chiseled abs.
His eyes swept over her, taking in first her face, and then lowering to appraise the rest of her body with a calculating eye. She flushed. He was just evaluating her as a fighter, she knew. But still, her breathing became quick and shallow.
James stepped aggressively onto the mat. "Let's see what you've learned so far," he murmured, his voice husky with anticipation.
And once I started, I couldn't stop! I call this next one Midnight Thief: The Thriller
“Most times you won't have the luxury of resting after a fight.” At first she thought it was Riley speaking, but then she looked up and saw how wrong she was.
It was James. This was the first time she had seen him here during her practice. Hastily, she climbed to her feet...
I learned several things during this exercise. First, that I probably don't have a future in romance. And second, this is really fun! And thus, I'd like to invite you all to participate in the Alternate Version Blogfest.
Here are the details:
1. The Blogfest will take place on April 1st, 2010. Yes, the date is intentional.
2. Sign up on the Mr. Linky Widgit below.
3. For your entry, post a short passage from your WIP, and then an alternate version of it in a different style. It can be funny, but doesn't necessarily have to be.
4. Post your entry on your own blog on April 1st, and go surf around to see what everyone else has come up with.
5. And of course, I'd appreciate it if you could retweet/blog/share about this blogfest. It's always more fun with more people :-)
Sounds like a blast! Oh...the possibilities. :)ReplyDelete
The wonderful thing about writing is you can make your MS however you want!ReplyDelete
Oh what a great idea!! Looking forward to it :)ReplyDelete
This sounds like a good time :DReplyDelete
Sounds fun and a bit different. Hope I can understand this one better than I did the PG blogfest. hmmm Soon will have to pick the scene and new style. Fun!ReplyDelete
Sounds like great fun! I'm in.ReplyDelete
I'm definitely in! I've been looking for a chance to explore a live music moment with a fictional twist. This should be lots of fun. ;)ReplyDelete
What fun! Looking forward to it.ReplyDelete
It was fun to read the different versions of the same scene. What a great exercise!ReplyDelete
Added myself, and pimping it over at my own blog :D Can't wait!ReplyDelete
A friend of mine linked me to your blog! I have this linked on my blog so hopefully you'll get a few more participants at the last minute! I can't wait to get started!ReplyDelete
I put links to upcoming blogfests on my blog (including this one).ReplyDelete
I'm also conducting a poll so see what kind of blogfest I should host. :)
Drop on by and vote!
Finally wrote a scene I can work with for this! Can't wait to dive in.ReplyDelete
I have no idea what I'm going to write!ReplyDelete
Added myself and put it in my blog...psyching myself up to write fantasy. Oy!ReplyDelete
Originally I wasn't sure if I was going to participate in this one-- but then I started rewriting one of my books, and realized it was alternate versioning on its own! So, I am in!ReplyDelete
Livia, hadn't you called the second example "The Midnight Thief Code" before? I liked that name. :)ReplyDelete
Margo -- I deny everything :-)ReplyDelete
I've never done a blogfest before. This looks like fun! Off to check out some of the others :)ReplyDelete
Okay, I've just posted this, here - http://www.insertliteraryblognamehere.com/index.php/alternate-version-blogfest-entryReplyDelete
I'm surprised at how much fun it was to get outside my own stuff and play around in someone else's again. Blogfests are a great way to get around tunnel vision!
OK, that's what I thought. (You can delete my scandalous comments if you so choose... :)ReplyDelete
My entry is finally up! :)ReplyDelete
That sounds like a whole lot of fun. I don't know how well-schooled I am in other genres' cliched voice. Hmm...ReplyDelete